Love Believes the Best
"Love believes all things, hopes all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:7
In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there are two rooms. They are called the Appreciation Room and the Depreciation Room. On the walls of the Appreciation Room, you have written kind words and phrases describing good attributes of your spouse...honest, intelligent, wonderful cook, beautiful eyes, etc. However, on the walls of the Depreciation Room, you have written things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings and the disappointment of unmet expectations. That room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your husband or wife. Emotional injuries fester in this room and people fall out of love here. Basically, spending time in the Depreciation Room kills marriages. You may say, "But these things are true!" Yes, but so are the things in the Appreciation Room. Everyone fails and has areas that need growth. This is the sad aspect of being human. We all have sinned. But we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative attributes while putting our partner's failures under a magnifying glass. Although we tend to spend more time in the Depreciation Room, love chooses not to live there. You must decide to stop running to this room and linger there after every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage. Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive. It's time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse.
Today's Dare: Get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. The do the same with the negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
"If there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things." -Philippians 4:8
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Random Question
Dear Readers,
Is it bad that I am proud of Rylie for knowing how to turn on and off the vacuum cleaner?!
Embracing my inner clean freak,
Chas
Is it bad that I am proud of Rylie for knowing how to turn on and off the vacuum cleaner?!
Embracing my inner clean freak,
Chas
Day 5 and 6
Day 5: Love is not Rude
"He who blesses his friend with loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him."- Proverbs 27:14
Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that's more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort. Embracing this concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express, "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When you allow love to change your behavior, even in the smallest of ways, you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them. Do you wish that your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
If so...here's what you can practice:
1) Guard the Golden Rule- Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated.
2) No Double Standards- Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
3) Honor Requests- Consider what your spouse already asked you to do or not do.
Day 5 Dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause them to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them of justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Day 6: Love is not Irritable
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32
Today's Dare: Today, choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Things to Ponder...
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?
"He who blesses his friend with loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him."- Proverbs 27:14
Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that's more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort. Embracing this concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express, "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When you allow love to change your behavior, even in the smallest of ways, you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them. Do you wish that your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
If so...here's what you can practice:
1) Guard the Golden Rule- Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated.
2) No Double Standards- Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
3) Honor Requests- Consider what your spouse already asked you to do or not do.
Day 5 Dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause them to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them of justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Day 6: Love is not Irritable
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32
Today's Dare: Today, choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Things to Ponder...
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Day 4
Love is Thoughtful
"How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." -Psalm 139: 17-18
Love thinks. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions. When you first fall in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. Sparks of romance slowly burn and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate. But if you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtfulness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Today's Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
"How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." -Psalm 139: 17-18
Love thinks. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions. When you first fall in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. Sparks of romance slowly burn and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate. But if you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtfulness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Today's Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Love Dare
When I think about my past and reflect on the 14th day of each February...I immediately think of Amanda and Jenny, who share this holiday with their birthdays. But then my mind quickly takes me back to 3rd grade and I can literally visualize my homemade Valentine's Day card box and I am reminded of the anticipation I felt when counting the number of cards that soon filled that box! And I smile as I am also reminded of the giddiness I felt when finally coming to the card signed by my current crush. But then I flash forward a few years and am reminded of the awkwardness that was created by a major 7th grade break-up the day before Valentine's Day. Then it's high school and I am struggling to find the perfect gift for my high school sweetheart. I always came up short and remember my gifts being rather cheesy. A balloon, some candy, a stuffed animal (what guy wants a stuffed jayhawk anyway)...and I suddently realize that I was never really that "good" of a Valentine. And honestly, I still feel that I have, kind of, "failed" to live up to the expectations of this holiday.
But not this year!!
Every day, I pray that Brian and I live a life that glorifies God and that we live in a Godly marriage. One of my top priorities is to create an awesome example for my children to follow. And amongst many other things, loving and honoring your husband is definitely something I want to instill. And although I do love and honor Brian, I also acknowledge that I can do so much better with outwardly demonstrating this and have room to grow. But I'm making a conscious effort to do so.
And Brian, this is when you stop reading. :)
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I have joined thousands of other people who listen to K-Love and have decided to follow the 40 day "Love Dare!" It started on Wednesday and goes until February 14th. And I would like to document this journey and invite others to do the same for their significant other.
So far...
Day 1: Love is Patient
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." -Esphesians 4:2
Love works. It is life's most powerful motivator and has far greater depth than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. Patience makes us wise. It doesn't rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails.
Day 1 Dare: Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.
Day 2: Love is Kind
"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." -Esphesians 4:32
Kindness is love in action. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. One is preventive, the other proactive. Love makes you kind. When you're kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them. Love, in its truest sense, is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindess.
Day 2 Dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Day 3: Love is not Selfish
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." -Romans 12:10
If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately, it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. However, loving couples- the ones who are enjoying a full purpose of marriage- are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That's because true love looks for ways to say "yes." One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions. Nobody knows you as well as your spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.
Day 3 Dare: Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
Okay...there. You are caught up. And now it's time for me to go buy something for Brian. :)
But not this year!!
Every day, I pray that Brian and I live a life that glorifies God and that we live in a Godly marriage. One of my top priorities is to create an awesome example for my children to follow. And amongst many other things, loving and honoring your husband is definitely something I want to instill. And although I do love and honor Brian, I also acknowledge that I can do so much better with outwardly demonstrating this and have room to grow. But I'm making a conscious effort to do so.
And Brian, this is when you stop reading. :)
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I have joined thousands of other people who listen to K-Love and have decided to follow the 40 day "Love Dare!" It started on Wednesday and goes until February 14th. And I would like to document this journey and invite others to do the same for their significant other.
So far...
Day 1: Love is Patient
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." -Esphesians 4:2
Love works. It is life's most powerful motivator and has far greater depth than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. Patience makes us wise. It doesn't rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails.
Day 1 Dare: Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.
Day 2: Love is Kind
"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." -Esphesians 4:32
Kindness is love in action. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. One is preventive, the other proactive. Love makes you kind. When you're kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them. Love, in its truest sense, is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindess.
Day 2 Dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Day 3: Love is not Selfish
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." -Romans 12:10
If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately, it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. However, loving couples- the ones who are enjoying a full purpose of marriage- are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That's because true love looks for ways to say "yes." One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions. Nobody knows you as well as your spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.
Day 3 Dare: Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
Okay...there. You are caught up. And now it's time for me to go buy something for Brian. :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Emerged Personality.
I learned something somewhat new during our vacation...our daughter has a huge personality!
During the past 15 months, Brian and I have really bonded with Rylie and have spent a lot of time learning her behavior, attitude, her likes and dislikes. We have proved to her that she will be well taken care of, loved, and protected; and because of this, she has gained a sense of complete comfort in "her world." Before our vacation, her behavior was telling me that she could have a bit of an ornery side to her. And often times, I selfishly felt a bit insecure because she didn't necessarily have to be right under the legs of her mother. But because it's normally just the three of us, Brian and I seldomly get the chance to see her interact with others. However, during our vacation, a lot of time was spent with a house full of people...young and old(er). :) And Rylie was making an impression that could not be forgotten.
She is not shy. Not timid. Not bashful. She is full of energy. She is funny. Smart. Bold and daring. She likes to be the center of attention. She doesn't mind getting "dirty." She prefers high speed races in cardboard boxes over the gentle ride and prefers building blocks over babies. She has an unusual infatuation for car seats and strollers. Rylie can hold her own and was once described as the "cool kid!" I was proud to watch as she revealed such a confident demeanor. My baby girl may not be the snuggler; the quiet natured Miss Priss; or the shy one who only wants to be held by her mommy...but her personality is such a joy to be around! And honestly, we're fortunate that she has that personality because unfortunately, she doesn't get to spend a ton of time with her grandparents. And the fact that she doesn't soley rely on mommy and daddy to make her feel comfortable is kind of necessary for them to have the kind of relationship they already have with her. She warms up to them extremely quickly and doesn't require us to be with her at all times. She is confident enough and trusting enough to allow them to visit as many times as they can and act as if she hasn't gone one day without seeing them. I love watching her grow into her own and Brian and I can't help but discuss what we think she might grow up to be like. WHATEVER it is...we'll gladly accept it!
During the past 15 months, Brian and I have really bonded with Rylie and have spent a lot of time learning her behavior, attitude, her likes and dislikes. We have proved to her that she will be well taken care of, loved, and protected; and because of this, she has gained a sense of complete comfort in "her world." Before our vacation, her behavior was telling me that she could have a bit of an ornery side to her. And often times, I selfishly felt a bit insecure because she didn't necessarily have to be right under the legs of her mother. But because it's normally just the three of us, Brian and I seldomly get the chance to see her interact with others. However, during our vacation, a lot of time was spent with a house full of people...young and old(er). :) And Rylie was making an impression that could not be forgotten.
She is not shy. Not timid. Not bashful. She is full of energy. She is funny. Smart. Bold and daring. She likes to be the center of attention. She doesn't mind getting "dirty." She prefers high speed races in cardboard boxes over the gentle ride and prefers building blocks over babies. She has an unusual infatuation for car seats and strollers. Rylie can hold her own and was once described as the "cool kid!" I was proud to watch as she revealed such a confident demeanor. My baby girl may not be the snuggler; the quiet natured Miss Priss; or the shy one who only wants to be held by her mommy...but her personality is such a joy to be around! And honestly, we're fortunate that she has that personality because unfortunately, she doesn't get to spend a ton of time with her grandparents. And the fact that she doesn't soley rely on mommy and daddy to make her feel comfortable is kind of necessary for them to have the kind of relationship they already have with her. She warms up to them extremely quickly and doesn't require us to be with her at all times. She is confident enough and trusting enough to allow them to visit as many times as they can and act as if she hasn't gone one day without seeing them. I love watching her grow into her own and Brian and I can't help but discuss what we think she might grow up to be like. WHATEVER it is...we'll gladly accept it!
Monday, January 4, 2010
~Home Sweet Home~
After being away from our house for 10 days, traveling to and from a few different cities, living out of suit cases and bags (a lot of them!), visiting lots of family, meeting best friend's 7 week old baby, spending quality time with those that we love, celebrating Christmas four different times, watching Rylie get spoiled by all of her grandparents, comfortably accepting that Rylie's routine got a bit muddled...we are home!
And after 10 loads of laundry, an entire day spent reorganizing, deep cleaning, packing up Christmas decorations and being reminded by my husband that "seasons must come and go"...I feel settled again!
This Holiday season was, once again, BUSY! But I really wouldn't be able to accept it any other way. The weekend before Christmas, my mom, step-dad, sister and niece all came for a visit. I bought Taigen and Rylie matching Christmas pajama sets, Brian made a delicious prime-rib dinner, and we settled in by the fire and opened gifts...ma-maw and pa-paw sure do know how to spoil their two grandbabies. Rylie quickly went from having zero "little people" sets to having four different sets! We had such an amazing time with them!!!
The following week, we left Oklahoma and headed to eastern Kansas...where we stayed for over a week. We spent several great days with Brian's parents and were able to get together with both of his brothers and their families. Brian made another prime-rib Christmas dinner and we had a heck of time trying to get all four grandchildren settled for a nice picture! Rylie was spoiled with lots of gifts; in particular, she was given one special gift that was put together by her Grandpa Tony...a wooden rocking horse!
Then it was off to central Kansas, where we spent the rest of our vacation with my dad, step-mom, brother, sister and Sky. Rylie is so blessed to have so many wonderful family members who absolutely adore her. We basically relaxed with the family, cooked, baked, played games, enjoyed another Christmas dinner, and had a fun time watching Robert push Rylie around the house in a cardboard box! The ground was sparsely covered with snow but we made the best out of it and dad pulled Robert and I on a sled, behind the four-wheeler. We had a blast!! On New Years day, dad and Peg hosted their annual "Game Feed" and had over 60 people at their house. They made BBQ duck, pheasant noodle soup, deer something or other, bacon wrapped dove and duck...and much-much more! My list does not do them justice for what they prepared for that day.
But all good things must come to an end...and we were homebound on Saturday night. I included today as part of my vacation and I'm so thankful that I did. It can be a bit hard to go back to work after staying up late and sleeping in for 12 consecutive days. But it's all in the attidude. And with Rylie already back in her normal routine and with my house clean and orderly again...it's time to start working on my goals for 2010!
Thank you, everyone, for letting us overwhelm your house with luggage and for allowing us to turn your home into our vacation spot! We enjoyed seeing all of you very much and look forward to the next visit.
Oh, and thanks for making it imperative that we get Rylie a toy box...SOON!
Sending Our Love!
And after 10 loads of laundry, an entire day spent reorganizing, deep cleaning, packing up Christmas decorations and being reminded by my husband that "seasons must come and go"...I feel settled again!
This Holiday season was, once again, BUSY! But I really wouldn't be able to accept it any other way. The weekend before Christmas, my mom, step-dad, sister and niece all came for a visit. I bought Taigen and Rylie matching Christmas pajama sets, Brian made a delicious prime-rib dinner, and we settled in by the fire and opened gifts...ma-maw and pa-paw sure do know how to spoil their two grandbabies. Rylie quickly went from having zero "little people" sets to having four different sets! We had such an amazing time with them!!!
The following week, we left Oklahoma and headed to eastern Kansas...where we stayed for over a week. We spent several great days with Brian's parents and were able to get together with both of his brothers and their families. Brian made another prime-rib Christmas dinner and we had a heck of time trying to get all four grandchildren settled for a nice picture! Rylie was spoiled with lots of gifts; in particular, she was given one special gift that was put together by her Grandpa Tony...a wooden rocking horse!
Then it was off to central Kansas, where we spent the rest of our vacation with my dad, step-mom, brother, sister and Sky. Rylie is so blessed to have so many wonderful family members who absolutely adore her. We basically relaxed with the family, cooked, baked, played games, enjoyed another Christmas dinner, and had a fun time watching Robert push Rylie around the house in a cardboard box! The ground was sparsely covered with snow but we made the best out of it and dad pulled Robert and I on a sled, behind the four-wheeler. We had a blast!! On New Years day, dad and Peg hosted their annual "Game Feed" and had over 60 people at their house. They made BBQ duck, pheasant noodle soup, deer something or other, bacon wrapped dove and duck...and much-much more! My list does not do them justice for what they prepared for that day.
But all good things must come to an end...and we were homebound on Saturday night. I included today as part of my vacation and I'm so thankful that I did. It can be a bit hard to go back to work after staying up late and sleeping in for 12 consecutive days. But it's all in the attidude. And with Rylie already back in her normal routine and with my house clean and orderly again...it's time to start working on my goals for 2010!Thank you, everyone, for letting us overwhelm your house with luggage and for allowing us to turn your home into our vacation spot! We enjoyed seeing all of you very much and look forward to the next visit.
Oh, and thanks for making it imperative that we get Rylie a toy box...SOON!
Sending Our Love!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)