Love Makes Good Impressions
"Greet one another with a kiss of love." -1 Peter 5:14
You can tell a lot about the state of a couple's relationship from the way they greet one another. You can see it in their expression and countenance, as well as how they speak to each other. It is even more obvious by their physcial contact. It's probably something you don't think about very often- the first thing you say to him or to her when you wake up in the morning, the look on your face when you get in the car, the energy in your voice when you speak on the telephone. But here's something else you probably don't stop to consider- the difference it would make in your spouse's day if everything about you expressed the fact that you were really, really glad to see them. When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases. You feel more important and valued. That's because a good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction. A loving greeting can bless your spouse through what they see, hear and feel. Think of the opportunities you have to greet each other on a regular basis. When coming through the door. When meeting for lunch. When saying good-night. When talking on the phone. It doesn't have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate's heart in subtle, unspoken ways. Remember, love is a choice. So choose to change your greeting. Choose love.
Today's Dare: Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your gretting to reflect your love for them.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Day 8
I'm excited to hear that some of you have joined me and have decided to participate in the Love Dare. And because I know that some of you are actually relying on my blog to get your "dare" for the day...I will try my best to get the dares posted relatively early each day. However, I also wanted to let you know that even if you have to skip a day or don't find the time to do it during that particular day...you can always "double up" on the next day. :)
Love is not Jealous
"Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire." -Song of Solomon 8:6
Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. Illegitimate jealousy is jealousy that is rooted in selfishness. This is to be jealous of someone, to be "moved with envy." It has been said that people are find with our succeeding, just as long as it is not more than theirs. Jealousy is a common struggle that can poison you from living the life of love God intended. If you don't diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them. The Bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing. And if you aren't careful, jealousy can begin to infect your marriage. When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse's biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club. Both of you become one and were to share in the enjoyment of the other. But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations. Because love is not selfish and puts other first, it refuses to let jealousy in. it leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. It's time to let love destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It's time to let your mate's successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.
Today's Dare: Determine to be your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Love is not Jealous
"Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire." -Song of Solomon 8:6
Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. Illegitimate jealousy is jealousy that is rooted in selfishness. This is to be jealous of someone, to be "moved with envy." It has been said that people are find with our succeeding, just as long as it is not more than theirs. Jealousy is a common struggle that can poison you from living the life of love God intended. If you don't diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them. The Bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing. And if you aren't careful, jealousy can begin to infect your marriage. When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse's biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club. Both of you become one and were to share in the enjoyment of the other. But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations. Because love is not selfish and puts other first, it refuses to let jealousy in. it leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. It's time to let love destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It's time to let your mate's successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.
Today's Dare: Determine to be your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Day 7
Love Believes the Best
"Love believes all things, hopes all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:7
In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there are two rooms. They are called the Appreciation Room and the Depreciation Room. On the walls of the Appreciation Room, you have written kind words and phrases describing good attributes of your spouse...honest, intelligent, wonderful cook, beautiful eyes, etc. However, on the walls of the Depreciation Room, you have written things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings and the disappointment of unmet expectations. That room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your husband or wife. Emotional injuries fester in this room and people fall out of love here. Basically, spending time in the Depreciation Room kills marriages. You may say, "But these things are true!" Yes, but so are the things in the Appreciation Room. Everyone fails and has areas that need growth. This is the sad aspect of being human. We all have sinned. But we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative attributes while putting our partner's failures under a magnifying glass. Although we tend to spend more time in the Depreciation Room, love chooses not to live there. You must decide to stop running to this room and linger there after every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage. Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive. It's time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse.
Today's Dare: Get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. The do the same with the negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
"If there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things." -Philippians 4:8
"Love believes all things, hopes all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:7
In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there are two rooms. They are called the Appreciation Room and the Depreciation Room. On the walls of the Appreciation Room, you have written kind words and phrases describing good attributes of your spouse...honest, intelligent, wonderful cook, beautiful eyes, etc. However, on the walls of the Depreciation Room, you have written things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings and the disappointment of unmet expectations. That room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your husband or wife. Emotional injuries fester in this room and people fall out of love here. Basically, spending time in the Depreciation Room kills marriages. You may say, "But these things are true!" Yes, but so are the things in the Appreciation Room. Everyone fails and has areas that need growth. This is the sad aspect of being human. We all have sinned. But we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative attributes while putting our partner's failures under a magnifying glass. Although we tend to spend more time in the Depreciation Room, love chooses not to live there. You must decide to stop running to this room and linger there after every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage. Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive. It's time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse.
Today's Dare: Get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. The do the same with the negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
"If there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things." -Philippians 4:8
Monday, January 11, 2010
Random Question
Dear Readers,
Is it bad that I am proud of Rylie for knowing how to turn on and off the vacuum cleaner?!
Embracing my inner clean freak,
Chas
Is it bad that I am proud of Rylie for knowing how to turn on and off the vacuum cleaner?!
Embracing my inner clean freak,
Chas
Day 5 and 6
Day 5: Love is not Rude
"He who blesses his friend with loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him."- Proverbs 27:14
Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that's more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort. Embracing this concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express, "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When you allow love to change your behavior, even in the smallest of ways, you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them. Do you wish that your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
If so...here's what you can practice:
1) Guard the Golden Rule- Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated.
2) No Double Standards- Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
3) Honor Requests- Consider what your spouse already asked you to do or not do.
Day 5 Dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause them to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them of justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Day 6: Love is not Irritable
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32
Today's Dare: Today, choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Things to Ponder...
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?
"He who blesses his friend with loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him."- Proverbs 27:14
Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that's more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort. Embracing this concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express, "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When you allow love to change your behavior, even in the smallest of ways, you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them. Do you wish that your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
If so...here's what you can practice:
1) Guard the Golden Rule- Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated.
2) No Double Standards- Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
3) Honor Requests- Consider what your spouse already asked you to do or not do.
Day 5 Dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause them to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them of justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
Day 6: Love is not Irritable
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32
Today's Dare: Today, choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Things to Ponder...
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Day 4
Love is Thoughtful
"How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." -Psalm 139: 17-18
Love thinks. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions. When you first fall in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. Sparks of romance slowly burn and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate. But if you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtfulness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Today's Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
"How precious also are Your thoughts to me...How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." -Psalm 139: 17-18
Love thinks. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions. When you first fall in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. Sparks of romance slowly burn and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate. But if you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtfulness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Today's Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Love Dare
When I think about my past and reflect on the 14th day of each February...I immediately think of Amanda and Jenny, who share this holiday with their birthdays. But then my mind quickly takes me back to 3rd grade and I can literally visualize my homemade Valentine's Day card box and I am reminded of the anticipation I felt when counting the number of cards that soon filled that box! And I smile as I am also reminded of the giddiness I felt when finally coming to the card signed by my current crush. But then I flash forward a few years and am reminded of the awkwardness that was created by a major 7th grade break-up the day before Valentine's Day. Then it's high school and I am struggling to find the perfect gift for my high school sweetheart. I always came up short and remember my gifts being rather cheesy. A balloon, some candy, a stuffed animal (what guy wants a stuffed jayhawk anyway)...and I suddently realize that I was never really that "good" of a Valentine. And honestly, I still feel that I have, kind of, "failed" to live up to the expectations of this holiday.
But not this year!!
Every day, I pray that Brian and I live a life that glorifies God and that we live in a Godly marriage. One of my top priorities is to create an awesome example for my children to follow. And amongst many other things, loving and honoring your husband is definitely something I want to instill. And although I do love and honor Brian, I also acknowledge that I can do so much better with outwardly demonstrating this and have room to grow. But I'm making a conscious effort to do so.
And Brian, this is when you stop reading. :)
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I have joined thousands of other people who listen to K-Love and have decided to follow the 40 day "Love Dare!" It started on Wednesday and goes until February 14th. And I would like to document this journey and invite others to do the same for their significant other.
So far...
Day 1: Love is Patient
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." -Esphesians 4:2
Love works. It is life's most powerful motivator and has far greater depth than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. Patience makes us wise. It doesn't rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails.
Day 1 Dare: Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.
Day 2: Love is Kind
"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." -Esphesians 4:32
Kindness is love in action. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. One is preventive, the other proactive. Love makes you kind. When you're kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them. Love, in its truest sense, is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindess.
Day 2 Dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Day 3: Love is not Selfish
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." -Romans 12:10
If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately, it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. However, loving couples- the ones who are enjoying a full purpose of marriage- are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That's because true love looks for ways to say "yes." One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions. Nobody knows you as well as your spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.
Day 3 Dare: Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
Okay...there. You are caught up. And now it's time for me to go buy something for Brian. :)
But not this year!!
Every day, I pray that Brian and I live a life that glorifies God and that we live in a Godly marriage. One of my top priorities is to create an awesome example for my children to follow. And amongst many other things, loving and honoring your husband is definitely something I want to instill. And although I do love and honor Brian, I also acknowledge that I can do so much better with outwardly demonstrating this and have room to grow. But I'm making a conscious effort to do so.
And Brian, this is when you stop reading. :)
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I have joined thousands of other people who listen to K-Love and have decided to follow the 40 day "Love Dare!" It started on Wednesday and goes until February 14th. And I would like to document this journey and invite others to do the same for their significant other.
So far...
Day 1: Love is Patient
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." -Esphesians 4:2
Love works. It is life's most powerful motivator and has far greater depth than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. Patience makes us wise. It doesn't rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails.
Day 1 Dare: Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.
Day 2: Love is Kind
"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." -Esphesians 4:32
Kindness is love in action. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. One is preventive, the other proactive. Love makes you kind. When you're kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them. Love, in its truest sense, is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindess.
Day 2 Dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
Day 3: Love is not Selfish
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." -Romans 12:10
If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately, it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. However, loving couples- the ones who are enjoying a full purpose of marriage- are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That's because true love looks for ways to say "yes." One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions. Nobody knows you as well as your spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.
Day 3 Dare: Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."
Okay...there. You are caught up. And now it's time for me to go buy something for Brian. :)
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