Day 17

Love Promotes Intimacy

"He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." -Proverbs 17:9

You can be close to a good friend you’ve known since childhood or college days. You can be close to a sibling, your parents, or a cousin who’s about your same age. But nothing rivals the closeness that’s experienced between a husband and wife. Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships. Each of us comes into life with an inborn hunger to be known, love, and accepted. We want people to know our name, to recognize us when they see us, and to value who we are. The prospect of sharing our home with another person who knows us down to the most intimate detail is part of the deep pleasure of marriage. Yet this great blessing is also the site of its greatest danger. Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at a depth we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never fully recover from. It’s both the fire and the fear of marriage. Which of these are you experiencing the most in your home right now? Are the secrets your spouse knows about you reasons for shame, or reason for drawing you closer? If your spouse were to answer this same question, would they say you make them feel safe, or scared? If home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else. Perhaps you might look to another person initiating a relationship that either flirts with adultery or actually enters in. You may look for comfort in work or outside hobbies, something that partially shields you from intimacy but also keeps you around people who respect and accept you. Marriage has unloaded another person’s baggage into your life, and yours into theirs. Both of you have reason to feel embarrassed that this much has been revealed about you to another living soul. But this is your opportunity to wrap all this private information about them in the protective embrace of your love, and promise to be the one who can best help him or her deal with it. You and you alone wield the power either to reject your spouse because of their secrets or to welcome them in – warts and all. They will either know they’re in a place of safety where they are free to make mistakes, or they will recoil into themselves and be lost to you, perhaps forever. Loving them well should be your life’s work. The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised. But your commitment to re-establishing it can happen today – for anyone willing to take the dare.

Today’s Dare: Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.