Insecure Heartache.

Since the first day we brought Rylie home, it has been a nightly occurrence that I rock her to sleep. So, between eight and eight thirty every night, you can bet that I will be swaying back and forth, softly singing "Rock-a-bye Baby", and smiling as I peacefully watch Rylie fall asleep in my arms. I really enjoy this time with her and Brian even finds it difficult to put her down for the night. She must enjoy that "mommy and me" time, too! However, I got the urge to try something a little different last night. Once she showed me that she was getting tired by rubbing her sweet little hands over her eyes, I decided that I would rock her for five minutes and then place her in her crib with a blankey. I was curious if she would put herself to sleep and to my surprise, it worked! I checked on her often because I could tell that she was not sleeping for the first ten to fifteen minutes...she was "playing!" But without one temper-tantrum or cry, she fell asleep. At first, I felt very proud. But my insecurity quickly interrupted that state of mind and I became teary-eyed when I realized that she no longer needed me to fall asleep. And as Brian joined me in her room with Griff on his hip, we stood still in the dark, watching our "sleeping beauty" comfortably fall deeper and deeper into her dreams. We looked at each other and smiled. And Brian's smile reminded me, once again, that everything was going to be okay. We are good parents who have shown Rylie what it feels like to live in a home where love, trust, comfort, and stability supports it all! But you can still safely bet that between eight and eight thirty each night, Rylie and I will be swaying back and forth and I will be singing "Rock-a-bye Baby"...I don't think I will ever completely give that part up, even if it is only for 5 minutes!